Award Speech
by RobinLady-in-Waiting
Summary: Ray K. is given an award for bravery but doesn't feel like he deserves it. Rated T for gore.


_**The mean of true valor lies between the extremes of cowardice and rashness. ~ Cervantes**_

_**The Front Steps of City Hall …. **_

The Illinois state flag flew to the left of the Stars and Stripes overhead, contrasted by a crystal blue sky dotted with dumpling clouds. A light breeze blew across the faces of everyone gathered, the mayor and his sidekicks, Lieutenant Welsh and all of the Twenty-seventh Precinct. Even Inspector Thatcher and Constable Benton Fraser were in attendance, both in their bright, red serge uniforms.

"Friends, we are gathered here today to award this commendation to one of Chicago's finest officers, a man who selflessly rushed into …." Ray sat straight and tall in his dress uniform. He didn't really like wearing the hat but it was regulation, even Lt. Welsh was dressed to the nines. The detective first class still sported a split lip and a wrist brace from the hellish fight he'd been in trying to save four, young women.

"Detective First Class Raymond Vecchio, please come up." The mayor drew Ray's attention back to the ceremony. The commendation would be put in his file, one inscribed with 'Kowalski', his real name. Ray stood up and walked up the steps toward the mayor, his heart beating like a humming bird's.

"Thank you, Sir, thanks." Ray took the plaque covered in polished brass with the official mayor's seal emblazoned across the brass surface. He shook hands with the soft pawed man, a nervous smile pulling at his features. Photographers rushed up the steps and began snapping pictures. Ray stood still, the mayor posed beside him with a cheesy grin on his face. Someone in the crowd shouted, "Speech, Speech!"

"Go on, son, say a few words." The mayor prodded Ray toward the lectern.

"No, I can't do that, I ain't got nothin' to say." Ray balked, he hated being put on the spot like that.

"Just say 'thanks'." The mayor prompted again a little more forcefully. Ray took a deep breath before stepping forward.

"Thank you for the, for the award, Mr. Mayor, I uh, I, I'm just a cop doin' my job." He shrugged before stepping back, nearly taking down one of the mayor's lackeys. The reporters began clamoring for Ray and the mayor's attention. The mayor smiled while Ray felt like melting into the cement at his feet. A few questions later and Ray was released to go sit with his precinct. The crowd began dispersing, leaving only Ray, Fraser, Francesca Vecchio and Diefenbaker.

"Hey, Ray, nice speech." Frannie gave him a lightning fast hug, teasing. Ray waved her off, glad to be out of the spotlight.

"Are you going to go out with the rest of the precinct for the celebration dinner?" The Civilian Aide asked, hoping Ray and her favorite Mountie would show up at the restaurant the Kowalski's had reserved.

"I don't know, Frannie, I ain't feelin like partyin'." Ray tried to back out. He didn't feel like being slapped on the back and answering questions all night.

"Please, Ray, I've got this really great dress I was plannin on wearin, the neckline is so cute, it's called a sweetheart neckline." Frannie traced the outline with her hands, trying to draw Fraser's eye to her assets.

"I'll go for a little while, _maybe_." Ray gave up, he knew his parents were expecting him to show up as were his co-workers.

"You're comin too, right Fraser?" Frannie gave him her best flirtatious smile, her head tilted to her left and her fingers toying with the black lace at the hem of her red mini skirt.

"Yes, Francesca, I'd love to come, if that's alright with Ray." Fraser turned to his replacement partner for approval.

"Yeah, sure, Fraser, the more the merrier." Ray just shrugged. Maybe Fraser would want to go home early, giving him a way out.

"The party starts at eight at Garber's on Fourth Street." Frannie danced away, riding high on Fraser's presence at the coming celebration.

"Ray, you seem reluctant to attend the party, you are the guest of honor." Fraser stated, hoping he wouldn't have to pry the reason out of him.

"Nice work, Detective, I still expect to see your paperwork on my desk, Monday morning." Welsh loosened his tie, shaking Ray's hand before leaving.

"Okay, Lieutenant." Ray simply agreed, not really caring. A few of the others came by to shake hands and congratulate him on the award.

"Detective, I wish to say congratulations on the commendation, saving those poor, young women from the Muerto Rojo drug cartel was very heroic." Inspector Thatcher brought up the rear of the well wishers.

"Thanks, I was just doin the job." Ray shook her small hand politely, his light eyes avoiding her dark ones.

"I should go back to the consulate, Turnbull's probably burnt it down by now." Thatcher's gaze lingered on Constable Fraser, her second in command and secret crush.

"Yes, I believe Turnbull intended to bake a large batch of maple tarts to bring to the celebration this evening." Fraser answered, hoping the junior Mountie didn't burn them.

Eventually, Ray and Fraser made it to the detective's GTO and headed back to Ray's apartment. He didn't say a word, lost in thought as Fraser silently counted the number of traffic infractions he piled up and Dief shoved his snout out the window to catch as many new scents as possible.

"Ray, is there something you'd like to talk about, you seem distant." Fraser said as he and Ray walked up to the third floor apartment.

"It's just this whole award thing, I was just doin what I do, my job, and they act like I'm some kinda superhero." Ray shook the plaque as he talked, his light eyes blazing.

"The four, young women you saved from the Muerto Rojo Cartel were instrumental to the governments of both the United States and Columbia in shutting down a major trafficking pipeline. You should be proud." Fraser pointed out as he outdistanced his friend up the steps. Dief lagged behind, sullen at not being able to take the elevator.

"I saved four, Fraser, not the five that were in that hotel room." Ray stopped half way up the last flight.

"Miss Martinez's death wasn't in vain, Ray, you tried to save her. Those two men will serve life sentences. She was able to thank you for saving her younger sister before her death." Fraser continued. Ray had been quiet and distant since walking in on the gory scene of two men slicing into a nineteen year old's stomach, fishing for balloons of heroine and cocaine in her intestinal tract. There had been blood everywhere. Anita Martinez had been alive when Ray shoved open the no-tell motel's door looking for a snitch in an unrelated case. Her dark eyes had pleaded for his help as she lay on the tile floor of the disgusting bathroom. Ray had drawn his revolver and shouted for them to stop. The thug holding the knife had rushed him, knocking him backward with the bathroom door. When he hit the carpeted floor near the double bed, Ray saw four other young women sitting against the wall, bound and gagged, all of them crying. He pulled his pocket knife and tossed it at the young women before getting up to go round two with the thugs. Ray gave as good as he received in the fight, dodging thug number one's hunting knife and thug number two's gun. All he saw was red rage.

During the fight, the young women managed to free themselves and make it to the hotel's main office to call for police. Going back to Columbia alive was preferable to dying in Chicago any day. They'd be glad to see Immigration and Naturalization Services come for them.

Officers from the nearest precinct arrived ten minutes later to find Ray on the bathroom floor beside Anita Martinez, both thugs unconscious and bleeding in the bedroom. He'd taken off his sweatshirt and used it to staunch Anita's bleeding. Ray had been a mess but very little of the blood was his. Still, Anita had died and he would see her beautiful face staring up at him for the rest of his life. She'd been in such pain but only wanted to know how her sister, Belinda, had fared. Ray had applied as much pressure to the wound as possible, reassuring her all the while. She'd thanked him for saving her sister before slipping away beneath his hands. EMT's had to pry him away from Anita's body.

"That's just not enough, Fraser, she shouldn't have died in the first place." Ray loosened his uniform tie and unbuttoned the top few buttons.

"Ray, we can't save everyone." Fraser stepped down to Ray's level, speaking from experience.

"I'm almost old enough to be that girl's father, she was so young, too damn young to die in a rat hole for ten balloons of heroine in her gut." Ray sat down on the steps, his knees feeling weak. He'd seen a lot of carnage during his career, but Anita Martinez's death had hit like sledgehammer between the eyes. He hung his head between his knees, trying to keep his stomach from rejecting what little he'd been able to force down in the last few days.

"Ray, you did the best you could, if it weren't for you, all five of those women would have died and no one would be held responsible for their deaths. Their families are grateful to you for that, Anita and Belinda's family has closure about her death." Benton sat down beside Ray on the step, Dief on the step lower, leaning his furry head against the detective's knee to comfort him.

"I see her, Fraser, every time I close my eyes. I see her looking up at me, trying to talk but in so much pain and I couldn't do a damn thing to help her, I'll never be able to help her." Ray rubbed his misting eyes with the heels of his hands, trying not to break down and cry like a ninny.

Fraser didn't have any magic words to make his friend feel better. He knew all too well how it felt to lose the battle and how hard it was to get up and fight the next one. The Mountie laid his hand on the back of Ray's neck as the blond detective broke down. He didn't say anything for a long time, letting Ray process his guilt and grief. Dief rested his chin on Ray's thigh, warm and reassuring. The old wolf had helped his human through similar feelings just by being his friend.

"Sheesh, I'm such a dope, cryin like a baby." Ray said after a while, wiping his face with the back of his hands, his eyes red and nose wetter than Dief's. The detective stood up, trying to pretend he hadn't just broken down.

"Come on, Fraser, I can't wait to see Frannie chase you around the dance floor all night at Garber's." Ray joked, shoving his emotions aside for the time being. Very few people had seen him break down that way; his mother and Stella, now Fraser. This wasn't the first time and wasn't likely to be the last he stopped to grieve for Anita Martinez.

"Oh dear." Fraser grumbled as he and his friend stood up.

"Don't worry, Ma'll help you out, Stella too, maybe even the Ice Queen." Ray elbowed the Mountie.

"I didn't know your mother enjoyed dancing." Fraser raised an impressed brow.

"Yeah, who do you think taught this Fred Astaire?" Ray grinned, closer to his old self than he'd been in a long time.

"I hadn't given it any thought actually. My grandmother taught me the basics of the fox trot, as well as how to dance with a grizzly bear, you always let them lead whether male or female." Fraser rattled on, perfectly serious. Ray just shook his head and tromped up the steps to his apartment.

**The End**

**Author's Note:** This story is for Vic32 and was inspired by an episode of _Cold Case _centered around the Scotty Valens character.


End file.
